I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
barbara walters just said penis...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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