Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
