When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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