Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
