Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
