oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Vodka?
Forever.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
