she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
