Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
