Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
