I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
