I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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