apparently the secret to your success is patron
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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