my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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