I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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