There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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