By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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