I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
