I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
