every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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