I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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