I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
