Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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