I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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