Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
