We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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