You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
