I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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