fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
