turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
