So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
