O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
