I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
