Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i believe in u and ur pee
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