Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
