you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
