There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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