The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
