I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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