I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
