The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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