She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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