i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
