Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ttyl tear gas
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
