1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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