I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
