just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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