I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
