OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
