I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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