Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
