we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
